“…Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” A blog for Dying Matters Awareness Week (5 – 11 May 2025)

This blog includes content related to death and grief.

“…Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?”

[Extract of The Summer Day, by Mary Oliver]

This line from a well-loved Mary Oliver poem is quite the provocation.

My guess is that it stirs something different in each of us. What does it mean to you?

Your response may depend upon whether you believe that we all only have one life each. Your religious or cultural beliefs may mean for you that this is one of many lives, each with its own purpose.

Mary Oliver’s poem challenges me to think about what decisions I may be delaying, conversations I may not be having, and sillier things like saving clothes for ‘best’, and not using the vintage glasses that I love, just in case I break one.

When I allow myself to sit with the notion that I will not live forever, I find myself reluctantly but curiously thinking about living with more urgency. At 54, maybe I should wear my best clothes every day, use my best drinking glasses on a Monday morning, and make good life choices. And maybe also I might make sure that people that love me know what’s important to me, now, and at the end of my life.

Each year in Spring, sees the annual campaign known as Dying Matters Awareness Week. Part of an ongoing social movement, Dying Matters encourages us all to help to ‘break down the stigma and taboo of talking about death and dying,’ so that we don’t leave thinking and discussing what’s most important to us to the very end of our lives.

You may be wondering why that is important. Here are a few reasons to consider:

• Living intentionally. Making life choices when they are right for us, rather than putting things off.
• Thinking about death whilst we are well, so that we have time to make plans, share our wishes with others, and ensure that when our time comes, our wishes are known.
• Making sure that our family, friends, and loved ones are not second-guessing what’s important to us, from where we want to be when we are unwell, to the sort of funeral we want, (or don’t want at all).

If you are feeling curious around this topic, there are lots of ways you can ‘dip your toe into the water.’

One way to do this is to join or host a Death Café. The Death Café movement’s aim is ‘to increase awareness of death with a view to helping people make the most of their (finite) lives’. Put simply, at a Death Café, people, oftentimes strangers, gather to eat cake, drink tea, and discuss death. Some café attendees may be personally affected by illness or grief, but these cafés are for everyone, regardless of experience.

Each year Dying Matters Awareness Week has a different theme. This year’s week, which runs from the 5th to the 11th of May, is on the theme ‘The Culture of Dying Matters’. Whilst Hospice UK Dying Matters Awareness Week | Hospice UK  highlights that studies of grieving brains have shown no scientific differences in relation to race, age, or religion, we are all individuals and will have our own beliefs and culture around loss. The theme does offer us all the opportunity to think about our own beliefs and culture, as well as those around us; taking time to explore what is important to each other, and learning about traditions, celebrations, diverse ways to live, die, and grieve.

Free resources, to help us explore some of those ideas, are available from Dying Matters Week Resources | Hospice UK and include some of the following exploratory questions:

1. How do you think we as people are drawn together by death and dying, regardless of culture or faith?
2. When we talk about “the culture of death and dying,” what does that mean to you? Is your understanding of death and dying always influenced by your faith, background, or nationality, or is it more of a personal thing?
3. What’s a thing that has most surprised you about the way someone you know has approached death and dying?

On a personal level, when a close family member was dying, they shared that they didn’t want a funeral. They were adamant about it, in fact. It took some advocating to ensure that the wish was fulfilled; given it hadn’t been shared with others, pressure to have a religious ceremony was felt from the wider family.

What I learnt from that experience was to take responsibility for sharing what’s important to me, and to not make assumptions about what others may want, whether in a professional or personal setting.

There are diverse ways for people to share their wishes in advance, or in case they are unable to make choices in the moment. Formal legal ways such as wills and a lasting power of attorneys (LPAs), are one such way.

There are also conversations that can be held with healthcare clinicians and special tools to capture what’s important to us when we are unexpectedly unwell, such as the ReSPECT summary ReSPECT for healthcare professionals | Resuscitation Council UK     

Dr Hannah Missen, a Staffordshire GP, local healthcare leader, and passionate advocate of everyone having the chance to discuss and document what’s important to them says, “ReSPECT is about making sure your voice is heard. It’s a chance for us to talk together and make a plan that respects your wishes and ensures you get the right care if there’s ever an emergency. As part of our new Staffordshire and Stoke-on-Trent Integrated Care System (ICS) Palliative and End of Life Care Strategy, we’re committed to improving proactive care planning and helping to normalise conversations about death and dying.”

Lighter ways to introduce the topics above have been used across the years. Art-making, ‘bucket-list’-making afternoon teas, and funeral music playlist compilations, are just a few.

We may move to shielding ourselves from potentially painful emotions, or protecting those we care about, when it comes to talking about mortality. Finding ways to engage on one’s own terms is crucial.

There is no right or wrong way to talk about death, and about the importance of your life. And how you choose to live, and what is important to you at the end of your life on Earth, does not need to be orientated within the healthcare community. This Dying Matters Awareness Week, and every week, you may want to explore resources and conversations at a local library, art gallery, online forums, your community centre or place of worship, and in nature itself, which has much to teach us about the seasons, and cycles of life.

Returning to the extract of Mary Oliver’s poem, but this time including the line that comes before it:

“…Doesn’t everything die at last, and too soon?

Tell me, what is it you plan to do

with your one wild and precious life?”

Thank you for reading.

If you find yourself affected by thinking about death and dying, the following sources of support may be helpful:

NHS Staffordshire and Stoke-on-Trent Talking Therapies

Staffordshire County Council – Bereavement Support Resources

Stoke-on-Trent Community Directory – End of Life & Bereavement Support

Hospice Collaborative Adviceline: 0300 5612900

Midlands Partnership University NHS Foundation Trust Chaplaincy, Spirituality and Pastoral Care

University Hospitals of North Midlands NHS Trust Spiritual, Pastoral and Religious Care Service

NHS England Palliative and End of Life Care Support Resources

Cruse Bereavement Support

Katharine House Hospice, support for families and carers

Laura Simms, Macmillan Palliative and End of Life Care Senior Transformation Lead, Staffordshire and Stoke-on-Trent Integrated Care Board (ICB).